The terror surrounding AI remains unwavering. How will YouTubers ever be able to make a living unboxing things with computers taking over our minds? How long can we expect to be able to select the required spin cycle before washing machines punch us in the face? That seems to be the gist of it. Instead, in our few moments remaining as sentient beings, let us use AI for the power of good and answer some of music’s most bamboozling questions. Powering up Chat GPT.
Snoop Doggy Dogg – “Who Am I (What’s My Name)?” (1993)
ChatGPT:
That’s a big question 🙂
If you’re asking philosophically — who you are is more than just a name. You’re your memories, experiences, choices, relationships, strengths, struggles, values, and growth. Your name is just the label people use to call you — it’s not the full story of who you are.
If this is a riddle, give me a hint and I’ll try to solve it.
And if you’re asking me personally what your name is — you haven’t told me yet. So… what should I call you?
Rating
It says a lot that a tool said to be used by 99% of the population to do 98% of their tasks doesn’t even know who I am. Quite enjoying the Buddha/dungeon master tone of the intro though. I’d score it much higher if it had guessed who I am. 3/10
George Clinton – “Atomic Dog” – (1982)
Trying not to go down a rabbit hole, but the previous track naturally made me think of the song it ‘borrowed’ from. Where, I asked, may one purchase an atomic dog?
If by “atomic dogs” you literally mean selling actual dogs, you generally cannot buy real dogs described as “atomic” — that phrase isn’t a standard dog breed or legal category of pet. Real dogs are adopted or bought through responsible breeders, rescues, or shelters following proper ethical procedures.
However, here are some interpretations of what “atomic dogs” might refer to and where you can buy related products:
A Tribe Called Question – “Can I Kick It?” – (1990)
If you mean physically kick something, then yes — humans are capable of kicking.
But whether you should depends entirely on what it is:
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⚽ A ball → sure.
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🥫 An empty can → probably fine.
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🚪 Someone’s property → not okay.
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🐶 An animal or 👤 a person → absolutely not.
If you tell me what “it” is, I’ll give you a straight answer about whether it’s safe, legal, or smart.
Rating
Not happy about this. You should go around kicking cans. You could take your foot off. There’d have to be some context around where the ball is too; you shouldn’t kick balls in temples and whathaveyou. But then we have another problem, because in the track itself, we’re told at least 14 times that, yes, we can kick it. It’s a very dangerous question; this is how wars start. 5/10
Skee-Lo – “I Wish” – (1995)
You wish you had:
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🐇 a rabbit
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🎩 a hat
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🏏 a bat
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🚗 a 1964 Impala
You can realistically get three of those.
Rabbit:
You can adopt one from a local shelter or reputable breeder. Rabbits need proper housing, space, and vet care (they’re not low-maintenance).
Hat & bat:
Easy — clothing stores and sporting goods stores.
1964 Impala:
That’s the tricky one. A classic 1964 Chevrolet Impala can cost anywhere from $25,000 to $100,000+ depending on condition. You’d likely find one through classic car dealers, auctions, or collector marketplaces.
Rating
Having declared it didn’t know my name, it’s a little forward of ChatGPT to tell me I probably can’t afford an Impala, or, conversely, can easily afford to go around buying sporting goods and furry kicking machines. Are there such thingas as rabbit shelters? 4/10
Grandmaster Flash and Grandmaster Melle Mel – “White Lines (Don’t Do It) – (1983)
If you mean cocaine (which is often referred to as “white lines”), then my honest answer is:
No — it’s not a good idea.
Here’s why, straight up:
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⚠️ High addiction risk — even occasional use can turn into dependency.
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❤️ Heart risks — increases heart rate and blood pressure; can cause heart attack or stroke, even in young people.
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🧠 Mental effects — anxiety, paranoia, crashes, depression.
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☠️ Overdose risk — especially today, because street drugs are often contaminated with fentanyl.
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⚖️ Legal consequences — possession is illegal in most places.
If you’re feeling pressure in a social setting, it’s completely okay to say no. A simple “I’m good” is enough. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
If this question connects to something going on in your life right now, I’m here to talk about that too.
Rating
Human reaction – “eh?” 9/10
and finally…
No — Sir Mix-a-Lot has not actually been knighted by any official monarchy, including the British honours system. The “Sir” in his stage name is just that — a stage name and not an official title of knighthood.
He took the name early in his music career before he became widely known, but it doesn’t mean he went through a state knighting ceremony or was granted that honour.
So despite the fun wordplay in his name, he isn’t technically a knight in the official sense.
Rating
The campaign starts here!
Daz Lawrence, with the assistance of Noel Bussey and ChatGPT